I've always lived in the country and attended relatively small schools, so to be here in Dar, in Tanzania, in Africa where there are always so many people everywhere, it is impossible to find any place to escape, to go to gather my thoughts and re-center myself. But it's challenged me to be more creative with my needs, both to adapt to having less time of seclusion (which I'm finding to be very positive in itself) but also find ways in the city to have that feeling of alone time, whether it's an early afternoon stroll (not really, it's usually too hot), playing the piano, finding a classroom or quiet place to journal or just taking an afternoon to stay in my room and read.
At the same time, while I'm still working hard to be alone, I realize it's not the same as finding alone time at home; here, I feel completely alone almost to the point of invoking fear; Africa always feels so much bigger when I'm by myself. And like I said, the experience teaches me about the importance of interpersonal communication, whether it's over the phone, via emails or face to face conversations here. I truly have leaned on the listening ears and support of group members through everything imaginable, from my frustrations and cultural revelations to very minor details like sharing memories or relating the previous night's dream. I've always known one of my greatest fears is loneliness, which seems contradictory for – like I said before – a true to form introvert, but I appreciate and enjoy the company when we can relate, empathize, advise, share, laugh, vent, all of it no matter what form or who it is. It truly means the world to be able to connect on a human level deeper than that of shoving into the daladala seat next to someone – to have people who care about you personally and what is going on in your life as well as the reciprocated time you are able to give by listening and exercising your love in returning support, too.
I found a quote in the book I recently completed, The Memory Keeper's Daughter. It illustrates that concept so well: “...she imagined herself as some sort of vessel to be filled up with love. But it wasn't like that. The love was within her all the time, and its only renewal came from giving it away.” So true, maybe that's why I find interpersonal communication so important because not that I get listened to (but that's a huge perk) but mainly because I am able to share the love that's inside of me; they always say it's better to give than to receive, and the gift certainly is in the giving. I open up to people and vice versa, establishing a trusted, honest exchange we can all depend on being there and helping us along our way.
*Picture is one of the many views of Dar es Salaam from UDSM's campus. We're sort of a separate "city on a hill" overlooking the majority of Dar and the Indian Ocean, a view I especially love to see and contemplate while in church on Sunday mornings held in one of the lecture halls posted right at the edge of campus.
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